i havent updated in awhile so i thought i would. life is good. i had a job interview today and it went well, we will see. i still have my wonderful girlfriend who i love. game is going good. i have my bed back which is always good. and im off that damn school firewall. not much else so...

how do you know when you are in love?

was it the first time she looked into my eyes and said "i love you" and she truely meant it?
the day she made the comment "i love half popped kernals if i could get a whole bag full of them i would"
or the day we talked about sweet nothings and our plans for the future, which didnt involve each other.
the day i realized that she could meet me at my worst.
the day i found out that she is as vulnerable and cares as much as me.
the day i realized she truely found me incredibly attractive.
and all of the hundreds of ways i fall in love more every day.

shes mine, we are dating and i love her. i look into those eyes and i see my equal, i see my redemption and my damnation, i am excited and serine around her, my protector and my ward. the person that equals me in paradoxes. we our selves are a paradox, and are exstemely simple to understand. i do not truely understand it and i wont really try, and like all great realizations it will hit me in time. i take the blessing and ask no questions. questions like why or how are pointless. we just are. she makes me want to be better then i am. she has given me back my vitality.

i have found my calm, my serinity, my love. good night everyone.

current mood: rejuvenated

i should post, i have a good bit to post about but i dont know about what i should post.

i keep having the song ( possession ) from Sarah McLachlan playing over in my head, people keep coming into my life right when i need them. i have long ago stop trying to determine why untill it is made clear to me.

Jenny, Jenn, Shawn, Kim, Emily, Wendi i dont care who you love, just love them completely, love them with out pause. and in turn make sure that person does the same for you, dont accept anything less. if they dont then they are not worth it. its not for me or anyone else to decide who you should love. it doesnt have to be one person or a male or anything, that is for you to decide. a quote keeps popping into my life and everytime i read it becomes more true "love as thou wilt" love as you see fit, just love.

have a good night everyone.

current mood: okay

my life teaches me the error of my ways, or at least the balance. i, seeking happiness asked others to hold my love in an open hand, and i in turn have been asked the same thing. the universe teaches me of the pain i have inflicted on others. i find the balance of life calming and reassuring.

every pain every ounce of suffering is a lesson waiting to be learned, if you choose to look past the pain and hate and choose to see it.

i feel the jelousy and pain others have felt. i do not believe it is trying to tell me i was wrong only that you must except the results of my actions, that while my actions may have been good in nature that they still caused pain.

i am humbled by its symetry, its exsacting nature, and yet i also by its mercy. 

we are not the masters of the universe or even the masters of destiny. we are but a servant. not a slave but a servant. servants whose purpose we are not aware of. maybe the universe does not give us one so we make choose one for our selves. i do not know. 

i had a good week. boring for most of it however wednsday thursday and friday were fun. me and jenn deeds spent a good amount of time together. it was fun. then i had a conversation with someone and i felt an emotion i had not felt in a good long time, jelousy. i found it amazing. a good week for me. i hiope everyone elses week was as good or at least as educational. 

sleep well everyone =) 

current mood: humbled

( to the LARPer people..you will find this hallarious )

on to bad news, Iv been sick all this weekend, and didnt sleep well last night as in only got a collective 4 hours. heres to being loopy. it could be worse i could be shawn (girl) who was sick, had to drive 6 hours and cancel her date on saterday, locked her self out of her carwhich took a good 4-5 hours to get back into, and had to replace 4 different and distict parts in her car, in one week. i..count my self lucky.

there were many casualties this weekend including dales neck

my optimism, and social life
wolfys euphoric feelings about being back on campus
my room (which is a wreck at the moment)
jennys want to do anything creative on a computer ever again
and a the very least 2 peoples verginities.

If i have tragicly left something out of my casualities list feel free to leave a comment and i will add it

on to good news, i helped jenny on her project and had chinese food.

on to delightful news, i get to spend next weekend with the lovely wendi. :does a little happy yet nerdy dance:

this week is all about catching up in classes. and probabblly i will have some make up work over break. which is fine as i dont have any projects due when i get back. and im not going to work. i need to start planning nonklaive. i probablly should take my car. so that i at least can drive back and forth to the hotel. i need to look into that to. cant take a nap untill after class or i wont get up for it.

i had this illusion that everyone wanted the same basic things out of life. but i have come to realize that this statement isnt true. or maybe they view how to get there on a completely different spectrum then i do. such is life.

i couldnt make a post with out some kind of vauge and crypic statement =)

have a good day everyone.

current mood: groggy
current music: Your Disease ~ Saliva

i make make my own choices, i take risks. i have always taken them, and i will continue to take them. and in fact life is really just one risk after another.

Here is to tomorrow being better then today...
Here is to finding someone worthy of us...
Here is to fighting for what we believe in...
Here is to not giving into mediocrity...
Here is to building something worth wild...
Here is to giving back...

Here is to living, to having a passion for life,
To hope, understanding, and above all to love.

Your life is your own, stand up and live it.

kim doesnt really like this song but i do so =P nah.
( sweet surrender )

the test got moved back, which sucks. i finished my paper, which is good. i need to find something to do on saterday. or im going to be horrificly bored. and no im not going to the beach with you jenny, the last thing i need is to deal with another woman in men hating mode. got my i-pod to work. and im getting new glasses which COROL AND VICKY LOST. but its all good.

have a good night everyone. =)

( Ordinary World )
its a good song i need to find a good verson of the song, ihave the trance verson but i want to get the ddr verson.

on other news i will be on campus this weekend, i have gumdo test on friday night hopefully i will be back about 8ish. i accually have saterday free. i dont know what im going to do with my self. im sure i will find something

current mood: calm

"Love as Thou Wilt"

I did today...

I was a long day...a long long day.
But I found strength and I found serenity.

im just glad i could do my job as a friend.

current mood: calm

Cant sleep, dont know why but its 5 am and this sucks. maybe i need a sleeping partner =P . to quote emily most of them (boys) are silly creatures who never seem to make up their minds.
but anyway another week, such is life.

current mood: annoyed
current music: tainted love - i dont even know

i have decided that everytime i post a song or a song goes into my Music Playing area that im going to put it up on my file transfer section on my aim name. so if there is a song you dont know or want just right click my AIM (which is ArkcaneX) and get it.

i always feel that people keep me at arms length, that there is something wrong with me because people kinda seem to avoid me. i dont know... but for those people who did not exclude me from what they were doing ( Thanks ) so once again thanks. and thanks for dealing with my inability to make pop corn, i still smell it on me ewww.

current mood: thankful
current music: Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant